Adult Child Estrangement: What to Do—and How to Hold On to Hope :: Dr. Jim Burns [Ep 587]

Don't Mom Alone Podcast

08/24/26

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46m

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What happens when our kids grow up and our role as their mom begins to change?

This is something I think so many moms struggle with, but we don't always talk about it. When our kids are young, there is so much support and conversation around parenting. But once they become adults, the challenges can feel much more complicated and lonely.

We can find ourselves comparing our kids' lives. Where did they go to college? Are they married? Do they have kids? What are they doing with their lives? And then there are the harder questions. What happens when our adult child makes choices we don't understand? What happens when they pull away from us? And what happens when there is little or no contact at all?

In this episode, I talk with Dr. Jim Burns about one of the hardest topics many parents face: estrangement from an adult child. We talk about what estrangement can look like, why parents often ask themselves, "What did I do wrong?" and how we can move from heartache to hope.

One of the biggest reminders in this conversation is that we cannot fix our adult children. But we can learn how to love them well, communicate differently, and keep the door open for reconciliation.

In This Episode, We Talk About:

Why moms often struggle silently when parenting adult children
The comparison game that can happen when our kids become adults
What adult child estrangement can look like
Why parents often blame themselves when a child pulls away
Why unsolicited advice can feel like criticism
How to become the calmest person in the room
Being a safe person without becoming a doormat
Moving from being an advice giver to becoming a mentor
How to respond when we feel defensive or hurt

Connect with Dr. Jim Burns:

Website: HomeWord
Instagram: Dr. Jim Burns and Doug Fields (@homewordfamily)
Facebook: HomeWord Family

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Previous Episode

Who's Holding You? Your Soul is Worth Tending :: Dr. Alison Cook [Ep 586]

August 17

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46m

In this episode, I’m joined by Dr. Alison Cook to talk about attachment, emotional healing, and the ways our relationships shape how we understand ourselves, others, and God.

We all have a deep need for connection, safety, and belonging, but we can sometimes place too much pressure on the people around us to meet those needs. Dr. Cook explains why human relationships are important while also reminding us that no person can be the ultimate source of everything our souls need. There is a deeper attachment available to us through God.

We also talk about what happens when old wounds surface, particularly when we finally feel safe enough for those parts of us to emerge. Dr. Cook describes these experiences as “soul ruptures”, moments when core memories and beliefs about ourselves can become activated. Instead of responding with shame or criticism, we can learn to slow down, notice what we're feeling, and become curious about what that part of us needs.

This conversation is especially meaningful for moms who spend so much of their time caring for everyone else. When we’re constantly focused on our children’s needs, it can be easy to lose touch with what’s happening inside of us. Dr. Cook encourages us to make space for our own souls, tend to the younger parts of ourselves that still need care, and allow God’s healing presence into those places. Our souls are worth tending to, too.

In This Episode

Why attachment is such a fundamental human need
Why we can’t expect another person to meet all of our emotional needs
What divine attachment means and how God becomes our ultimate source of connection
Why parts of us can surface when we finally feel safe
What a soul rupture is and how core memories can continue to affect us
How shame and blame show up when we feel like we don’t belong
Learning to recognize and care for the younger parts of ourselves
What it means to “parent your soul”
Recognizing our internal bids for connection
Why healing requires space for difficult emotions
How moms can make more room for their own emotional and spiritual needs
Why we don’t change through shame or criticism

Connect with Dr. Alison Cook:

Website: Dr. Alison Cook
Instagram: Dr. Alison Cook | Psychotherapist + Secure Attachment (@dralisoncook)
Facebook: Dr. Alison Cook

Links Mentioned:

Related Episodes:

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Next Episode

Parenting in the Power of the Holy Spirit :: Jeannie Cunnion top 10 episode [Ep 588]

August 31

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49m

We know we are called to parent in the power of the Holy Spirit, but then life comes at us like a train and suddenly we are back to doing everything in our own strength. I know I can easily fall into this trap. I can know all the right things, but knowing the truth and actually relying on the Holy Spirit in the middle of motherhood are two very different things.

In this top 10 episode, I talk with Jeannie Cunnion about what it really looks like to parent with the Holy Spirit. We start by taking an honest look at what we actually believe about Him. Do I truly trust that the Holy Spirit lives in me and wants to guide, strengthen, comfort, and help me? Jeannie reminds us that the Holy Spirit is not an "it." He is a person, our Helper, Advocate, Counselor, Comforter, and Champion.

We talk about what it means to lean into His presence instead of constantly trying to figure everything out on our own. We are not parenting alone. God has graciously given us the Holy Spirit, and there is no part of the Christian life that is meant to be lived without His supernatural power.

As moms, we have an incredible opportunity to be a gift to one another. We can encourage each other, pray for each other, and help carry one another when we feel like we can't keep going. We don't have to manufacture the fruit of the Spirit through our own effort. We can stay connected to God and allow His Spirit to produce His fruit in us.

If you have ever felt overwhelmed by motherhood or wondered how you're supposed to keep going, I hope this conversation reminds you that you were never meant to parent alone.

In this episode, we talk about: