Therapeutic Parenting: Strategies and Solutions

Creating a Family: Talk about Adoption, Foster & Kinship Care

09/14/22

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64m

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We talk today with Sarah Naish, the CEO of the Center of Excellence in Child Trauma and founder of the National Association of Therapeutic Parents. She is the author of "The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting" and "The A-Z of Survival Strategies for Therapeutic Parents." She is the adoptive mom to a sibling group of 5 who are now adults and she has fostered over 40 kids.
In this episode, we cover:

Why are some kids harder to parent and why especially are kids who have experienced trauma, including prenatal trauma, often harder to parent?
Understanding the cause of the behavior is the root of parenting harder to parent kids.
Establish the basics to make their lives predictable so they can feel safe and grow and heal. The elements for establishing this base:
- Routines
- Establish yourself as a safe base-empathetic and nurturing but in control
  - Respond to the child, not to the child’s demand
Be honest about their story, contact, etc. – be factual, but don’t fill in the gaps
Establish strong, clear boundaries- what to do when these boundaries are crossed?
Use natural or life consequences
- Our kids may not recognize cause and effect.
  - Early trauma, including prenatal exposure, can hinder a child’s ability to recognize cause and effect
  - Our kids may be developmentally younger than their chronological years which also impacts understanding.
- Natural consequences help children recognize that they can make an impact on the world-helps them make sense of the world
- Combine natural consequences with nurturance.
How to handle incidents when they happen. PARENTS model.
- Pause-to allow you to respond with intention not emotion.
- Assess-is anyone in danger or serious damage.
- Reflection-quick reflection to identify the trigger.
- Empathize rather than ask questions
  - use empathetic commentary-
  - respond to their feelings rather than the behavior.
- Nurture-examples of nurturing in the heat of the moment.
- Think about next action to take.
  - What strategies might I use to resolve this? Do you need to do anything else?
  - How can we avoid this situation in the future?
- Self-care
Other parenting strategies for harder to parent kids. Other tools for your toolkit.
- Identify your triggers.
- Set realistic expectations.
- Use silliness or playfulness.
- Remove the audience.
- Help kids show they are sorry rather than demand they say they are sorry.
- The phone strategy.
- Watch what the child is doing rather than what she is saying.
- Payback time.
- Admit it when you made a mistake.

This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

Weekly podcasts
Weekly articles/blog posts
Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Please leave us a rating or review RateThisPodcast.com/creatingafamily

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

Weekly podcasts
Weekly articles/blog posts
Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Previous Episode

When to Consider Sperm or Egg Donation

September 7, 2022

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50m

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Are you considering donor egg or sperm? When should you consider these options? What choices do you have and what are some of the psychological hurdles you need to consider? We talk with Dr. Angela Leung, a reproductive endocrinologist at Reproductive Medicine Associates of New Jersey; and Dr. Poonam Sharma, a Licensed Psychologist specializing in reproductive issues.
In this episode, we cover:

Sperm Donation:

What are the possibilities of getting pregnant when the male partner has an abnormal semen analysis? Does it depend on whether sperm count, motility, or morphology are abnormal?
When should patients consider sperm donation from a medical standpoint?
How and when should medical providers bring up the possibility of using donated sperm? Does it matter that the “patient” is usually the female partner?
What are some of the psychological issues that may arise for the female partner using a sperm donor?
What are some feelings the male partner commonly experiences?
What type of impact does “asymmetry of parenthood” in which there will be a biological motherhood and social fatherhood have on couples?
How do these issues differ if the patient is part of a heterosexual couple, a lesbian couple, or a single parent?

Egg Donation:

When should patients consider egg donation from a medical standpoint?
What medical conditions make egg donation appropriate?
How and when should medical providers bring up the possibility of using donated eggs? Who on the medical staff is the one that usually introduces the topic?
What are some of the psychological considerations for the female partner?
What are some of the psychological considerations for the male partner?
What type of impact does “asymmetry of parenthood” in which there will be a genetic father and biological mother who is carrying but not using her own eggs?

Donor Selection:

What are some general medical considerations when selecting any type of donor? (i.e., egg or sperm bank vs. live donor)
What advice would you give intended parents about psychological considerations when selecting a donor?
Do medical providers or mental health professionals talk with patients about the use of anonymous vs. open donors/identified donors?
What issues to consider when using known/directed donors? (i.e., friends, relatives)
Should you tell the child?

Embryo Donation:

When should patients consider using donated embryos?
How to discuss this option with patients?
What are some of the psychological considerations for the intended parents?

Additional Resources:
American Society of Reproductive Medicine Guidance Regarding Gamete and Embryo Donation
This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

Weekly podcasts
Weekly articles/blog posts
Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Please leave us a rating or review RateThisPodcast.com/creatingafamily

Support the show

Weekly podcasts
Weekly articles/blog posts
Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Next Episode

Introduction to Foster Parenting

September 21, 2022

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52m

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Have you ever thought about becoming a foster parent? If so, this is the podcast for you! We talk with Arnie Eby, the Executive Director of the National Foster Parent Association and a foster parent for 22 years; and Angie Jones, a licensed clinical social worker and the Intensive Service Foster Care Recruiter and Trainer at Vista Del Mar, an agency placing foster children.

In this episode, we cover:

What is the goal of the foster care system?
How to become a foster parent?
What are the typical requirements for becoming a foster parent?
What disqualifies you to become a foster parent?
What type of pre-service training is involved?
How long does it usually take to become a licensed foster parent?
Who licenses foster parents?
What types of questions should parents ask when deciding on which agency to work with?
What are the different levels of licensing for foster homes?
Do foster parents get paid?
Can you foster if you rent your home or apartment?
Does one parent have to be at home if they want to have infants or young pre-school aged children placed with them?
How much control do foster parents have on which child is placed with them?
What is expected of foster parents when a child is placed with them?
Can you travel with a foster child? Out of state? Out of the country?
What is shared parenting or co-parenting?
What type of support should foster parents expect from the agency they are licensed through?
Is it possible to adopt your foster child?
How do you foster and adopt?
How much control do foster parents have on visitation, medical treatment, mental health care, and reunification?
How to cope with the grief when a foster child leaves?
Where can foster parents turn for support?