Healing Your History to Help Your Kids Heal Theirs with Dr. Robyn Koslowitz, Ph.D.

Creating a Family: Talk about Adoption, Foster & Kinship Care

12/03/25

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58m

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Do you feel like raising a child with a history of trauma has stirred up your own traumatic past? If you wonder how to parent from a position of healing, listen to this conversation with Dr. Robyn Koslowitz. She is a psychologist, trauma expert, and author of the new book, Post-Traumatic Parenting: Break the Cycle, Become the Parent You Always Wanted to Be.

In this episode, we discuss:

You open your book by saying, ‘It’s not you, it’s your trauma.’ That feels like both a relief and a challenge. Can you unpack that for parents and caregivers who blame themselves for every misstep in their parenting?
When you use the term post-traumatic parent, what do you mean? How does that differ from saying ‘parent with trauma’ or ‘healed parent’?
Many caregivers feel haunted by an internal guilt that says, “How can I give what I never received?” How can parents or caregivers move from guilt to agency—without glossing over the pain?
What are the 5 post-traumatic parenting defaults you identify in your book? What do they look like in real-life moments of parenting?
How does a parent choose not to opt into those old trauma-driven defaults (e.g., yelling, withdrawal, overcontrol) in the moment?
The metaphor of trauma as an app
What is the concept of cycle-breaking versus cycle-making, and how is it valuable for breaking those unhealthy parenting patterns?
What are some practical applications of this post-traumatic parenting reframe?
How can a parent create and maintain trauma-responsive routines or rituals that will increase a child’s sense of felt safety, without being rigid or feeling like a bunch of rules they must follow?

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Previous Episode

Am I Right in Not Letting My Grandchild's Mom Visit? - Weekend Wisdom

November 29, 2025

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18m

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Question: I have been fostering our grandchild since March. It is now almost September. Both biological parents had drug addiction. Bio mom was on a trial home visit, but used this as the reason our grandchild is with us. After the trial home visit ended, bio mom was still getting supervised visits 2x a week. After every visit, the little one was dysregulated and started biting and hitting the daycare kiddos and the provider, and would also act out towards us. She is only 15 months old.

Both parents terminated their rights in May, and that is when I put a stop to the visits. We know bio mom was still using while having her supervised visits. I give weekly updates and photos to bio mom. But she keeps pushing for (in-person) visits, and I can't do visits, as I don't know if bio mom is clean or still using. She has had 13 years of using and has found loopholes in the system to keep seeing her other kids, when she doesn't have custody of them.

Since we stopped visiting, my grandchild has become more stable and regulated and has stopped biting and hitting. Our caseworker has filed the adoption papers, and we will soon finalize the adoption. Bio mom is still using, and she tells me she is an alienated parent, and that I am keeping her from her child. Am I doing the right thing by not letting her see the child?

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