Am I Right in Not Letting My Grandchild's Mom Visit? - Weekend Wisdom
Creating a Family: Talk about Adoption, Foster & Kinship Care
11/29/25
•18m
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Question: I have been fostering our grandchild since March. It is now almost September. Both biological parents had drug addiction. Bio mom was on a trial home visit, but used this as the reason our grandchild is with us. After the trial home visit ended, bio mom was still getting supervised visits 2x a week. After every visit, the little one was dysregulated and started biting and hitting the daycare kiddos and the provider, and would also act out towards us. She is only 15 months old.
Both parents terminated their rights in May, and that is when I put a stop to the visits. We know bio mom was still using while having her supervised visits. I give weekly updates and photos to bio mom. But she keeps pushing for (in-person) visits, and I can't do visits, as I don't know if bio mom is clean or still using. She has had 13 years of using and has found loopholes in the system to keep seeing her other kids, when she doesn't have custody of them.
Since we stopped visiting, my grandchild has become more stable and regulated and has stopped biting and hitting. Our caseworker has filed the adoption papers, and we will soon finalize the adoption. Bio mom is still using, and she tells me she is an alienated parent, and that I am keeping her from her child. Am I doing the right thing by not letting her see the child?
Resources:
- How Do You Manage Relationships with Birth Parents with Substance Use Disorders?
- Open Adoption With Addicted Birth Parents
- 5 Tips for Navigating Sticky Situations with Birth Parents
- Practical Help for Shared Parenting in Kinship Caregiving
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
- Weekly podcasts
- Weekly articles/blog posts
- Resource pages on all aspects of family building
Previous Episode
A Conversation with Emily Cole from Bananas Foster
November 26, 2025
•32m
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Join us for a fun and inspiring conversation with Emily Cole, co-founder and co-owner of Banana Ball, the new sports phenomenon sweeping the country. We're talking with her about Bananas Foster, their non-profit that celebrates foster families all around the nation.
In this episode, we talk about:
- Please tell us the story of how Bananas Foster got started.
- What was happening in your life that made you say, “We need to do something for foster families”?
- What was the biggest challenge in getting things off the ground?
- For listeners who might not know you yet, what’s the mission of Bananas Foster?
- What are some of the biggest everyday needs you hear about from foster, kinship, or adoptive families?
- How do you see Bananas Foster stepping into those areas of need?
- What’s your big dream for Bananas Foster — say, five or ten years from now?
- You talk about celebrating and supporting foster families — can you share what that looks like at a typical Banana Ball game day?
- What kinds of local partnerships do you have in the cities you visit — with churches, agencies, schools, or other groups?
- Looking ahead, do you have a plan or goal for building on those partnerships or expanding the care you offer with them?
- The celebrations you host are such a bright spot! What do families tell you after those events — how do they feel when they leave?
- Is there a particular story, celebration, or family that has really stuck with you?
- How do you hope those celebrations will grow or change over the next few years?
- What’s one thing you’ve learned from the families you serve that’s changed you personally?
- For our listeners, how can people get involved or support what Bananas Foster is doing?
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
- Weekly podcasts
- Weekly articles/blog posts
- Resource pages on all aspects of family building
Next Episode
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Do you feel like raising a child with a history of trauma has stirred up your own traumatic past? If you wonder how to parent from a position of healing, listen to this conversation with Dr. Robyn Koslowitz. She is a psychologist, trauma expert, and author of the new book, Post-Traumatic Parenting: Break the Cycle, Become the Parent You Always Wanted to Be.
In this episode, we discuss:
- You open your book by saying, ‘It’s not you, it’s your trauma.’ That feels like both a relief and a challenge. Can you unpack that for parents and caregivers who blame themselves for every misstep in their parenting?
- When you use the term post-traumatic parent, what do you mean? How does that differ from saying ‘parent with trauma’ or ‘healed parent’?
- Many caregivers feel haunted by an internal guilt that says, “How can I give what I never received?” How can parents or caregivers move from guilt to agency—without glossing over the pain?
- What are the 5 post-traumatic parenting defaults you identify in your book? What do they look like in real-life moments of parenting?
- How does a parent choose not to opt into those old trauma-driven defaults (e.g., yelling, withdrawal, overcontrol) in the moment?
- The metaphor of trauma as an app
- What is the concept of cycle-breaking versus cycle-making, and how is it valuable for breaking those unhealthy parenting patterns?
- What are some practical applications of this post-traumatic parenting reframe?
- How can a parent create and maintain trauma-responsive routines or rituals that will increase a child’s sense of felt safety, without being rigid or feeling like a bunch of rules they must follow?
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
- Weekly podcasts
- Weekly articles/blog posts
- Resource pages on all aspects of family building
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