Season Five Finale: Lockdown Christmas 2020

[EP 62] This was supposed to be a TEST, *not* a podcast episode! This episode may be difficult to understand: I rant like a crazy conspiracy nut, with no thought of being understood. Need help? USE THE TRANSCRIPT BELOW* *** Hi everybody! It's me Louis with another episode of Unexpected English! It’s, well, this one is unexpected but it's not supposed to be an episode. In fact, you'll hear my wife say: Oh that's stupid, because, really, it was not planned as an episode! I'll tell you, I was testing an app that does speech to text, and I wanted to see if it worked, so I started acting like a crazy conspiracy person talking about, uhh, Alexa. I can't say... if I say Alexa... you know they won't run this podcast on A-M-A-Z-O-N so, I have to be careful. Anyway, it was just a crazy thing, but then I thought it was funny, So I thought, OK this is funny, and then my wife said, “no” and she heard it and she said “oh, it's kind of cute” so I thought ahh, what the heck, right? Uh, well, you decide, OK? You listen, you decide, here we go! *** Okay, so you have an Alexa in your house and you don't care that it's listening to you all the time? No, I don't care. There's that I have no secrets that Alexa would be interested in. But your private life; you have a private life. What's a private life? The things you want to keep private? Well, and why would anybody care about my private life? Not that anybody would care, but do you want Amazon to know about your private life? What are they going to do with that information? Sell it to the Russians? I don't know. The Russians would also have no need for it. Oh, so you're not like a high level government employee. No, I'm not. But you're a voter, you're an American voter. I'm an American voter and if the Russians want to know I'm voting for Biden. I'm ridin' with Biden. They want to know because now they're gonna, like, interfere with your social and everything else and send you lots of misinformation because you're a Biden voter and they don't like that. Well, that may be true but I won't pay attention to their misinformation. Oh yes, you will, you'll be manipulated! Social media manipulates people they don't even know! Oh, that's true, that happens. So maybe you want to rethink your Amazon acceptance. No, why? We just said why! Because the Russians are gonna send me memes and stupid information that is not true and I know it's not? You don't know it's not true because you'll... I do know it's not true. How do you know? Tell our fellow Americans how to tell the difference between a fake meme and a real meme. Well, if you... you can just go to Snopes.com and fact check anything. Snopes. How do you know that's not run by, you know, by anti-conspiracy, pro-pedophile, you know, overthrow the government. anti-Trump forces. That's just all crazy stuff. Oh, you call it crazy, we call it reality! Some people do call it reality, you're right. But I don't... I don't associate with those people. Yeah but, Alexa will associate you with those people because she's got your voice recordings! No, she won't associate me with them, because I'm not with them. I don't believe in them. Okay, go ahead, I guess this is a lost cause. She does not care about protecting herself from manipulation. Thanks everybody for listening. [That's not gonna be a podcast, that would be so stupid.] (pause) I just want to see if it worked. There you go. So look at this now. Scroll up and look and see, is it accurate? (unintelligible) Still recording? Stop. Stop. Stop! Stop!!! What the hell, where's the stop button? This will be a good podcast now because I can't find the frickin' stop button. Alright, there's a stop button here somewhere. Where are... where are...come on. Come on, stop! That's not it. That's not it. Oh there it is okay. Boom! *** permalink: https://linktr.ee/unexpectedenglish