The Painful Psychological Cost Of Becoming A Dad - Darby Saxbe - #1129
Modern Wisdom
07/27/26
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Dr Darby Saxbe is a clinical psychologist, professor at USC, and author.
Do dads get postpartum depression? Mothers face enormous physical and emotional changes after childbirth, but fathers can struggle too, often in silence. So what happens to men when they become dads, why does it affect some so deeply, and how can they adapt to a new life that nature has thrust upon them?
Expect to learn what actually happens to dads after moms give birth, the physiological changes that happen to dads after birth, which behaviors create the effect known as “dad brain”, the biggest upsides and downsides of fatherhood for men, why postpartum depression in fathers goes unrecognized, the worst advice dads get, and much more...
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Timestamps:
(0:19) What is Dad Brain?
(2:18) How Fatherhood Has Changed Over Time
(8:18) What Happens to Men During Pregnancy?
(12:57) Should Fathers Be in the Delivery Room?
(13:47) Are Sympathetic Pregnancies Real?
(15:17) What Couples Should Focus on During Pregnancy
(17:56) The Real Cause of Dad Brain
(24:18) The Top Behaviours That Trigger Dad Brain
(31:31) Biology or Choice: What Makes a “Hands-On” Dad?
(33:48) The Truth Behind the Deadbeat Dad Narrative
(36:44) Can Fathers Bond at Any Age?
(38:50) How Fatherhood Changes Male Hormones
(46:44) Why Becoming a Father Is the Ultimate Masculine Role
(50:25) Does Dad Brain Get Worse With More Kids?
(53:19) How Daughters Change Fathers
(1:00:48) Does Housework Ruin Cortisol Recovery?
(1:03:43) Do Dads Experience Postpartum Depression?
(1:15:29) Why Postpartum Depression Happens in Women
(1:18:55) How to Support a Partner Through Postpartum Depression
(1:31:09) The Worst Advice New Dads Hear
Extra Stuff:
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Episodes You Might Enjoy:
#577 - David Goggins - This Is How To Master Your Life: lnkfi.re/SN-Goggins
#712 - Dr Jordan Peterson - How To Destroy Your Negative Beliefs: lnkfi.re/SN-Peterson
#700 - Dr Andrew Huberman - The Secret Tools To Hack Your Brain: lnkfi.re/SN-Huberman
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Previous Episode
Dr Stephen Porges is a neuroscientist & psychologist.
Why does your nervous system always feel on edge? When everything feels like a threat, your body may be stuck in survival mode. So what keeps your nervous system on high alert, and how can you finally teach it to feel safe again?
Expect to learn why your nervous system is in a state of fight or flight all of the time, what the Polyvagal Theory is and how to attain a calmer state of mind, why dogs calm humans so effectively, what the biggest myth about anxiety is and the role of metabolic support for the nervous system, how the gut, inflammation and chronic stress play in nervous system regulation and much more...
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See discounts for all the products I use and recommend: https://chriswillx.com/deals
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Get a free bottle of D3K2, an AG1 Welcome Kit, and more when you first subscribe at https://ag1.info/modernwisdom
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Get 160+ lab tests for just $365 and save an extra $25 at https://functionhealth.com/modernwisdom
Get ChatGPT to explore ideas, solve problems, and learn faster at https://chatgpt.com
Timestamps:
(0:00) What is Polyvagal Theory?
(5:54) Why It’s So Important to Focus On How We Feel
(12:04) How the Nervous System Adapted Over Time
(18:08) Is Safety Our #1 Goal?
(19:59) What Feeling “Safe” Really Means
(21:28) The Most Powerful Signals of Safety
(23:31) Can You Ever Truly Feel Safe?
(25:21) Why Safety Feels Different for Everyone
(30:05) What Stephen’s Work Means to Chris
(39:20) What Causes Nervous System Dysregulation?
(44:00) Are Humans on the Same Frequency As Animals?
(50:49 Don’t Hack Your Nervous System, Challenge It
(54:05 Does Resonance Breathing Actually Work?
(57:15) How Does the Safe and Sound Protocol Work?
(59:43) What Your Body Language Reveals About You
(01:04:11) The Biggest Myth About Anxiety
(01:05:06) What Unlocks Your Full Capacity?
(01:10:28) Low vs High Tolerance: Understanding Your Nervous System
(01:12:31) How to Build a Sense of Safety
(01:16:59) How Important is Metabolic Support?
(01:19:49) What Causes Shifts Between Shutdown and Overdrive?
(01:23:07) Why Tinnitus Can Signal Nervous System Issues
(01:27:21) The Link Between the Vagus Nerve and the Gut
(01:29:47) Are Male and Female Nervous Systems Different?
(01:34:44) Why We Need More Humility and Compassion
(01:41:13) Do Stellate Ganglion Blocks Actually Work?
(01:44:50) The Strongest Criticisms of Polyvagal Theory
(01:49:54) Can Your Nervous System Be “Too Safe”?
Extra Stuff:
Get my free reading list of 100 books to read before you die: https://chriswillx.com/books
Try my productivity energy drink Neutonic: https://neutonic.com/modernwisdom
Episodes You Might Enjoy:
#577 - David Goggins - This Is How To Master Your Life: lnkfi.re/SN-Goggins
#712 - Dr Jordan Peterson - How To Destroy Your Negative Beliefs: lnkfi.re/SN-Peterson
#700 - Dr Andrew Huberman - The Secret Tools To Hack Your Brain: lnkfi.re/SN-Huberman
-
Get In Touch:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chriswillx
Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/chriswillx
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/modernwisdompodcast
Email: https://chriswillx.com/contact
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Next Episode
Jett Franzen is a writer and YouTuber.
What holds people back? Is it their mindset, environment, or circumstances? One overlooked factor is the ability to be alone. Solitude can build clarity and resilience, but too much can be destructive. So when is being alone a superpower, and when does it become dangerous?
Expect to learn the pitfalls of taking too much medication, why being lonely and/or isolated for a period of time is a superpower, why the most dangerous are ambitious but lazy people, the mentality that is keeping people stuck in a terrible mindset, how to escape the hedonic treadmill, why the incel community came after Jett and much more...
Sponsors:
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Get 10% discount on all Gymshark products at https://gym.sh/modernwisdom (use code MODERNWISDOM10)
Get up to 20% off Timeline powered by Mitopure (now at a lower price) at https://timeline.com/modernwisdom
Get a Free Sample Pack of LMNT’s most popular flavours with your first purchase at https://drinklmnt.com/modernwisdom
Get ChatGPT to explore ideas, solve problems, and learn faster at https://chatgpt.com
Timestamps:
(00:00) Why You Need to Confront Your Shadows (10:09) Make It Until You Believe It (22:19) Why Success Demands Real Work (34:36) Can Anyone Go From Nothing to Something? (39:19) Don’t Let Empathy Hold You Back (52:39) Are We Addicted to the Next Win? (56:31) Progress vs Position: What Matters More? (01:08:59) Why Happiness Comes From Acceptance (01:14:05) Escaping the Victim Mindset (01:19:54) Protect What Makes You Unique (01:29:40) How to Use Ego as a Strength (01:36:57) Don’t Let the Fear of Having Self-Belief Hold You Back (01:51:31) Does True Authenticity Really Exist? (01:58:00) Where to Find Jett
Extra Stuff:
Get my free reading list of 100 books to read before you die: https://chriswillx.com/books
Try my productivity energy drink Neutonic: https://neutonic.com/modernwisdom
Episodes You Might Enjoy:
#577 - David Goggins - This Is How To Master Your Life: lnkfi.re/SN-Goggins
#712 - Dr Jordan Peterson - How To Destroy Your Negative Beliefs: lnkfi.re/SN-Peterson
#700 - Dr Andrew Huberman - The Secret Tools To Hack Your Brain: lnkfi.re/SN-Huberman
-
Get In Touch:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chriswillx
Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/chriswillx
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/modernwisdompodcast
Email: https://chriswillx.com/contact
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Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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