When Do I Tell My Child They Have Birth Siblings? - Weekend Wisdom
Creating a Family: Talk about Adoption, Foster & Kinship Care
03/15/25
•5m
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I have been listening to your podcast and supporting your mission for several years. We adopted our daughter at birth through an open adoption. We began caring for her on day two; she is now 9 years old. She knows she is adopted and has seen photos of her biological parents. Her parents had problems with addiction and the law. We only tell her, “They were not able to care for you.” She has not yet asked questions about her biological parents, but she does opine about being an only child. We have not yet told her about her full biological brother, the full brother who died from neglect as an infant, her five half-sisters, her biological grandmother, or that her biological father died a few years ago, having “fallen” off a bridge. She will obviously know everything eventually, but we are concerned about when and how to tell her.
Resources:
- How to Find an Adoption Competent Therapist - resource page
- Talking About the Difficult Parts of Your Child's History - online course
- Building the Framework for Adopted & Foster Children to Process the Hard Parts of Their Stories - article
- Talking about the Difficult Parts of Your Adopted Child’s History - older podcast interview
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
- Weekly podcasts
- Weekly articles/blog posts
- Resource pages on all aspects of family building
Previous Episode
Adopting Siblings: Issues to Consider
March 12, 2025
•50m
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Are you considering adopting a sibling group? Join us for this interview with Deborah Bass Artis, MSW and Senior Program Director of Foster Care to Permanency with Children’s Home Society of NC.
In this episode, we discuss:
- Why is it important to keep siblings together when placed for foster care or adoption?
- Advantages to adopting siblings.
- Special issues to consider
- Integrating siblings with children already in the family
- Involve children already in the family
- Get your support network in place before you adopt
- Suggested books for helping siblings understand adoption.
- Parentified child
- Tips for handling a parentified child.
- Overcoming unhealthy dynamics from their past
- One child was the favorite in their previous family or families.
- Sibling rivalry
- When is it not a good idea to keep siblings together?
- Consider your motivation carefully- be honest with yourself and your partner about your desire to adopt a sibling group.
- Tips for parents adopting or fostering a sibling group
- Educate yourself before opening your home to a sibling group- it always helps to have realistic expectations
- Be patient with yourselves and the children- it’s a big adjustment for everyone.
- Develop your support system ahead of time.
- Take care of yourself. Spending time on things that are important to you is not selfish!
- If married, ensure your marriage/partnership remains strong- it is the foundation of your family’s health.
- If single, maintain your friendships. You need to have a life outside of your children.
- Find individual time with each child in the family
- Pay attention to each child’s interests and personality and create opportunities for those to grow. Don’t treat the sibling group as a unit.
- Seek out professional support for the family when needed.
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
- Weekly podcasts
- Weekly articles/blog posts
- Resource pages on all aspects of family building
Next Episode
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Are your child's birth parents struggling with addiction, mental illness, or intellectual disability? If so, join us for this discussion with Teresa Bradley, a psychotherapist with over 17 years of experience in addiction counseling and mental health. She is a Master Addiction Counselor, Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapist, and clinical trainer at Amerigroup.
In this episode, we discuss:
Substance Abuse Disorders
- What are some of the challenges that adoptive or foster parents might expect to see when a birth parent is struggling with a substance abuse disorder (SAD) and not able to raise this child?
- How are those issues different for relative caregivers, like grandparents raising grandchildren?
- At what age should we start talking to the kids in our care about their parents’ challenges with substance abuse? How do we bring it up? How do we decide what to share and when?
- How can parents address that emotional fallout and deal with their own expectations, triggers, or negative feelings about the birth parents’ SAD?
- For relative caregivers, especially grandparents raising grandchildren, adding layers of guilt, shame, and disappointment.
- How might an open adoption relationship change across a birth parents’ journey through SAD? How should adoptive parents approach openness in their adoption when SAD is a known issue?
- What do you suggest parents or relatives do to process their feelings?
Mental Health Challenges or Intellectual Disabilities
- What are some of the specific challenges that adoptive or foster parents might expect when they are trying to support a child of parents with mental illness or intellectual difficulties?
- How can parents explain a birth parent’s challenges to children? When? How?
- What are some of the questions kids might have but cannot voice?
- How do we address a child’s concern that they will “get” this mental illness without scaring the child?
- Is this a good reason to limit contact with birth parents?
- How might an adoptive or foster parent talk to children and youth about the birth parents’ ability to connect or maintain a relationship?
- When a kinship caregiver has a pre-existing relationship with this birth parent, how do they talk about the challenges and how their relationship changes in light of their struggles?
- What other issues do we need to consider to maintain a relationship with the birth parents while keeping the child safe and feeling cherished and supported?
Resources:
- How Do You Manage Relationships with Birth Parents with Substance Use Disorders?
- Open Adoption
- Working with Birth Parents for the Child’s Best Interests
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
- Weekly podcasts
- Weekly articles/blog posts
- Resource pages on all aspects of family building
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