Practical Tips for Disciplining Children Who Have Experienced Trauma
Creating a Family: Talk about Adoption, Foster & Kinship Care
04/23/21
•63m
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How do you discipline kids who have experienced trauma? We provide 5 tips and then discuss 5 challenging parenting situations. Our expert is Karen Doyle Buckwalter, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Registered Play Therapist and Supervisor, and co-author of "Raising the Challenging Child".
In this episode, we cover:
1. The Relationship Bank Account
- Spend effort building your relationship with your child so that you have banked “good will” for when you need to say no or set a firm rule.
- Ideas for making quick and easy deposits:
- Praise efforts, successes, helpfulness, their unique essence—big and small.
- Let the child choose whenever possible.
- Look for compromises.
- Make more deposits than withdrawals.
- Magic “rule” 5 positive comments to every 1 negative.
- Difference between making a deposit and spoiling your child.
- Sideswipe instead of confront.
2. Respond to What is Beneath the Behavior
- Behavior is a reflection of a need. It’s a symptom.
- Strategies for digging deeper into what is underneath the behavior.
3. Reexamine Your Expectations
- See your child for who she is.
4. Balancing Structure and Nurture
- How does structure lead to feelings of safety and why is this often misunderstood when parenting children with a history of trauma?
- Choose your battles: choose to ignore some behaviors.
5. Share Power to Gain Power
Specific Behaviors:
- Tantrum
- Name calling and teasing
- Handle attention seeking behaviors.
- Lying
- Sexualized Behavior and Play
This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
· Weekly podcasts
· Weekly articles/blog posts
· Resource pages on all aspects of family building
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
- Weekly podcasts
- Weekly articles/blog posts
- Resource pages on all aspects of family building
Previous Episode
Panel of Kinship Caregivers: What's It Really Like
April 16, 2021
•54m
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What's it like to have your world turned upside down when you become the parent to your grandchild, niece, or nephew? What are the hidden joys and challenges. In this podcast episode, we have a frank and open talk with a panel of kinship caregivers about their experience.
In this episode, we cover:
- What has been one of the greatest joys you’ve experienced as a kinship caregiver?
- What has been one of the greatest challenges you’ve had in raising your grandchild or niece or nephew?
- How has your age played into your parenting experience with this child?
- How has caring for your grandchild affects your friendships and activities?
- How do you handle the dual roles of being a mom to your grandchild and a mom to your grandchild’s parent? How has kinship caregiving impacted your role as parent to your child?
- Have you had to set boundaries with your child to protect your grandchild?
- How have you handle if your grandchild’s parent has another child? Would you take that child in as well?
- How have you learned about technology, screens, video gaming, etc. in order to parent a child of this younger generation?
This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
· Weekly podcasts
· Weekly articles/blog posts
· Resource pages on all aspects of family building
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
- Weekly podcasts
- Weekly articles/blog posts
- Resource pages on all aspects of family building
Next Episode
Talking with Young Children about Adoption and Birth Parents
April 30, 2021
•59m
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How should you talk with young children, toddlers, and preschoolers about adoption. How do you talk about birth mothers and birth fathers? In this episode we talk with Jenna Howard, a LMSW who has worked in the adoption field since 1994 in both domestic and international adoption. In addition, she is an adoptee and an adoptive mom.
In this episode, we cover:
- Why is it important to start talking about adoption and birth parents with kids when they are very young?
- When should you begin talking about adoption with children if they are adopted at birth or a very young age?
- How to talk with infants about adoption.
- What do young children understand about the concept of adoption?
- What name should be used when referring to birth parents?
- How to talk with toddlers and preschoolers about adoption. (They are accepting of what parents say and the attitude it was said.)
- Adoption is cool stage.
- Oversharing details. Distinction between secret and private.
- Oversharing as a parent.
- Helping child explain adoption.
- Talking about adoption vs. different ways families are made.
- Keep it short and simple. Laying the groundwork.
- Positive adoption language.
- Common questions children this age might ask and sample answers.
- How to talk about birth fathers and the role of birth fathers when the child doesn’t understand conception?
- How to talk about birth fathers when birth father is unknown or otherwise not in the picture?
- How to talk about birth siblings.
- Why do some adoptive parents hesitate to talk with young children about adoption?
- When should parents share some of the harder parts of their child’s adoption story (domestic violence, substance abuse, incarceration, unknown birth father, rape)?
- Tips:
- Books – Creating a Family has a great list of the Best of the Best Adoption books for kids broken out by type of adoption and age of the child.
- Movies/TV shows (Sesame Street, Mister Rodgers, etc)
- Make a life book
- Parenting Your Adopted Preschooler and the link won’t change so that makes it easy. https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/factsheets/preschool
This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
· Weekly podcasts
· Weekly articles/blog posts
· Resource pages on all aspects of family building
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
- Weekly podcasts
- Weekly articles/blog posts
- Resource pages on all aspects of family building
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