Open Adoption and Healthy Boundaries - Weekend Wisdom
Creating a Family: Talk about Adoption, Foster & Kinship Care
11/15/25
•13m
About
Comments
Transcript
Featured In
Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!
Question: We adopted our son at birth, and he is about to turn one already. I deeply care about his birth parents and have tried very hard to maintain a relationship with them. Even during many months of no contact, I think about them every day. Our only post-placement visit with them was at 2 1/2 months. They have no-showed for all the other visits they asked for, and have gone several months at a time without responding to contact. They missed a visit 2 weeks ago and have finally reached back out asking to plan another. Visits require 6 hours of driving and coordinating time off from work. They do not drive and would not have any means of travelling to us. Our plan was to do visits 2-4 times a year. We offered to plan another visit the week of his birthday. I also offered to send weekly text updates. I work in healthcare and need to be very present in my job and prefer not to be on my phone when I am home with my family, so I do not text anyone much during the week. I am now being asked to provide daily updates and to do visits monthly. I don't even respond to my best friend more than once or twice a week because it is hard for me to keep up with messages. I am also not convinced that increasing the frequency of visits will help them follow through on attending them due to the pattern that has occurred so far. I am feeling overwhelmed and unsure how to move forward in a way that is loving and respectful, but also sustainable for our family and best for our son.
Resources:
- 5 Tips for Navigating Sticky Situations with Birth Parents
- Creating Relationship with Birth Parents in Adoption (Even When It's Hard!)
- Mama on Earth: A Guest Article on Co-Parenting
- Open Adoption Can Be Messy
- Our #1 Secret Tip for Navigating Open Adoption
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
- Weekly podcasts
- Weekly articles/blog posts
- Resource pages on all aspects of family building
Previous Episode
Navigating the Holidays With a Trauma-Sensitive Approach
November 12, 2025
•58m
Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!
Why do our kids melt down, act out, or regress during the holiday season? Listen to our conversation with Dr. David Adams to learn what is going on and what you can do about it to make this holiday season more enjoyable for you all. He is an adoptive and foster dad, a licensed psychologist, and a licensed professional counselor. He is the Founding Director and President of New Life Psychology Group in Laguna Hills, California, and an expert trainer of Foster and Kinship Care Education (FKCE) at Saddleback College. He has also recently written and released the book, Trauma-Informed Foster and Adoptive Parenting: Methods for Managing Meltdowns, Mishaps, and Maladaptive Behaviors.
In this episode, we discuss:
- What are some of the reasons that holidays are hard for children who are adopted or are in foster care?
- What kind of behaviors do parents and caregivers commonly see that are likely related to those challenges around holidays?
- Sleep challenges
- Feeding challenges
- Increased anxiety, fear, insecurity
- Impulsivity
- Dysregulation (louder than usual, bigger emotional response than normal for this child)
- How do these behaviors relate to the reasons holidays are hard for our kids? What’s the connection between that outward behavior and the internal need or hurt?
- Can you provide us with a few practical strategies for addressing these behaviors? Let’s break them down by age:
- Toddler and preschoolers
- School-aged children
- Tweens and Teens (into young adults)
- What trauma-sensitive preparations or preventative actions can we take to minimize the challenging behaviors and help our kids feel safe, supported, and able to find healing?
- What is compassion fatigue? What signs should we look for to help us identify our risk during this holiday season?
- Strategies to help parents and caregivers plan now for a less-stressful holiday season.
Additional Resources:
- Set Your Family Up for Success This Holiday Season
- Tips for Managing Your Picky Eater
- Strategies to Manage Holiday Stress
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
- Weekly podcasts
- Weekly articles/blog posts
- Resource pages on all aspects of family building
Next Episode
Taking Care of Yourself When Parenting Harder to Parent Kids
November 19, 2025
•37m
Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!
Do you sometimes feel that self-care is an impossible goal when you are parenting kids who have experienced trauma? There isn’t enough time in the day to do it all, much less take care of yourself. Or is there? Join us to talk about how to find time to take care of yourself. We will talk with Angelica Jones, MSW, Program Director of Intercountry Services and the Intensive Service Foster Care Recruiter and Trainer at Vista Del Mar Child and Family Services.
In this episode, we discuss:
- “Selfcare” or “take care of yourself” are overused but still vitally important terms for foster, adoptive, and kinship parents.
- Why do all parents but especially parents of kids who’ve experienced trauma need to practice self-care?
- What is secondary trauma?
- Why are kids who’ve experience neglect, abuse and other childhood traumas harder to parent?
- Challenging Behaviors
- Learning disabilities
- The busyness of foster and adoptive parenting.
- So many appointments (therapy, OT, tutoring, doctors, IEP meetings, social workers, birth family visits, etc.)
- Helping with education-homework struggles.
- Dealing with the emotional fallout from early life trauma.
- What are some of the barriers to taking care of ourselves as adoptive, foster or kinship parents?
- The importance of respite care and the barriers to parents using it.
- Practical ideas for providing self-care.
- Think small when thinking self-care.
- Ask for help and accept it when offered. If someone offers to help, say “yes” and suggest something specific.
- Parent Support groups
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
- Weekly podcasts
- Weekly articles/blog posts
- Resource pages on all aspects of family building
If you like this episode you’ll love
Promoted