"I Don't Know What They Need" • Supporting Kids with Autism Through Big Feelings - Weekend Wisdom
Creating a Family: Talk about Adoption, Foster & Kinship Care
07/18/26
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Question: What advice do you have for fostering/adopting children with autism, particularly those with limited communication skills? How can we best support them in expressing big feelings and feeling safe to do so? What can we do to help them feel they have some control and feel heard when they can't always communicate what they want and have a harder time understanding what's going on?
Resources:
- Setting Up Your Child with Autism for Success
- Helping Autistic Kids Shine
- What Is Pathological Demand Avoidance and How Do I Parent This Child?
- Helping Your Child with Autism Thrive
- Parent Support Toolkit (Autism Foundation)
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
- Weekly podcasts
- Weekly articles/blog posts
- Resource pages on all aspects of family building
Previous Episode
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How can storytelling help kids heal? In this episode, we talk to Dr. Sharon Zaffarese-Dippold to explore how story helps children make sense of their experiences, build resilience, and move toward thriving, including simple, everyday ways to begin using it at home. She is a psychotherapist with 27 years of experience in counseling and author of the "Garbage Bag Life" series, which emphasizes her journey through foster care.
In this episode, we discuss:
- Can you tell us a little about your own journey and why helping children make sense of their stories became such an important part of your life?
- What did you wish the adults around you had understood about what you were carrying as a child?
- Why are stories such powerful tools for helping children heal?
- What is it about a story that often feels safer than direct conversations, especially for children who have experienced trauma, loss, foster care, adoption, or family disruption?
- What happens when children don't have a coherent story about their lives?
- What are some of the questions they may silently wrestle with?
- Many parents and caregivers are afraid of saying the wrong thing around a child’s story. What do you suggest?
- What does it mean when a child moves from "What's wrong with me?" to "What happened to me?"
- What are some simple ways parents and caregivers can build storytelling into everyday family life?
- Stories can be used for more than understanding a child’s history in adoption, foster care, and relative care. They can also help children recognize their strengths, resilience, and a sense of belonging.
- How can parents and caregivers use storytelling to build family identity?
Resources:
- How to Talk with Our Kids About the Difficult Parts of Their Stories
- How to Make and Use an Adoption Lifebook
- Building the Framework for Adopted & Foster Children to Process the Hard Parts of Their Stories
- The Healing Power of Storytelling
- Suggested Books for Kids: Adoption, Foster Care, and Kinship Care
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
- Weekly podcasts
- Weekly articles/blog posts
- Resource pages on all aspects of family building
Next Episode
Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks!
When we think about attachment in adoption and foster care, we usually focus on the child. But parents bring their own attachment histories and life experiences into the relationship as well. Dr. Chaitra Wirta-Leiker explores how a parent's past can shape their parenting, influence reactions to challenging behaviors, and impact family connection and healing. Dr. Wirta-Leiker is a licensed psychologist, transnational and transracial adoptee, adoptive parent, creator of the National Adoptee-Therapist Directory, and author of the Adoptees Like Me children’s book series.
In this episode, we discuss:
- When we talk about trauma and attachment in adoption and foster care, most of the focus tends to be on the child. Why is it equally important to explore the parents' history?
- What do parents sometimes miss about the role their own experiences play in parenting?
- Why can it feel uncomfortable or even threatening for parents to turn the lens inward rather than focusing exclusively on the child?
- Can you give us a working definition of what you mean by "attachment" so we are all on the same page?
- How does that relationship from our childhood influence our parenting style now?
- The 4 major adult attachment styles, and what do they look or feel like in our parent-child relationship:
- Secure
- Anxious/Preoccupied
- Avoidant/Dismissive
- Disorganized/Unresolved
- Many parents hear descriptions of attachment styles and immediately start self-diagnosing. Why is that unwise or unhelpful? And what do you want parents to understand about using these concepts as tools for growth rather than labels?
- How do unresolved childhood experiences or trauma shape our parenting responses?
- Our kids with their histories of trauma, attachment disruptions, grief, losses, and trauma often bring those into our relationships. When these histories intersect with our unresolved experiences, both parent and child can feel triggered.
- What are some common ways our history of trauma may get activated—or "triggered"—by our adopted or foster children?
- How can we talk to ourselves when we feel that activation happening? Scripts we can use or messaging we can rehearse?
- Are there certain child behaviors that tend to be especially activating for parents with unresolved attachment or trauma wounds?
- What is happening neurologically and emotionally when a parent feels disproportionately angry, hurt, rejected, or powerless in response to a child's behavior?
- Why do you think parenting in adoption and foster care is uniquely effective at exposing unresolved issues that a parent may not have known were there?
- How do our parental expectations—about bonding, gratitude, trust, or family life—sometimes become obstacles to connection?
- What are some signs we notice when we are responding from our own history rather than from what the child actually needs in the moment?
- What signs can we notice in our kids to help us see that we may be responding from our own histories?
- What does healthy self-awareness look like for adoptive and foster parents?
- When parents recognize their own triggers, what practical steps can they take in the moment?
- How can parents begin exploring their own attachment history safely and productively?
- Is it possible to move toward a more secure attachment style as an adult? If so, how does that happen?
- What's one question parents should ask themselves when they find themselves repeatedly stuck in conflict with their child?
- Where would you encourage parents to begin if today's conversation has raised some difficult but important self-reflection?
Resources:
- Grow Beyond Words
- Understanding Attachment Between Parent and Child
- Adoptee and Foster Alum Voices resource page
- Therapy Resources for Adoptive, Foster, and Kinship Families
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-i...
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