Birthparents and Agency Lied About Drug Use - Weekend Wisdom
Creating a Family: Talk about Adoption, Foster & Kinship Care
05/31/25
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Question: My husband and I had a swift match and placement in December. When we were presented with the case, all that was reported for drug use was smoking 12 cigarettes a day. After about a month of trying to get medical records from the hospital for my pediatrician, I discovered my baby’s meconium tested positive for meth. This lab test resulted on Monday, and we were released from the hospital the Friday before, so no one told us about this result. The agency got me the medical records and didn’t mention them when sending them to me. I was also told the birth mom had prenatal care when the medical records say spotty prenatal care. I was shocked when I came across the lab results. We met both of my son’s birth parents a couple of times while in the hospital and had good visits. My husband is usually very good at identifying people on drugs, but he didn’t suspect anything was amiss. We met our son’s siblings, and they all seemed well cared for. My son also did not appear to go through withdrawals. He was never in the NICU and was released from the hospital 2 days after birth. He was of a healthy weight and had excellent Apgar scores. I know I would have passed on this case if I knew meth was involved and so in a way this is a blessing because I love my son and am so glad we were selected to parent him, but I feel some trust has broken between us and his birth parents. I text them weekly with photos and small updates, but I can’t help but feel a little resentful (to both the birth parents and the agency). How do you suggest I deal with this situation?
Resources:
- Raising a Child with Prenatal Substance Exposure (Resource page)
- Evaluating Risk Factors in Adoption (Resource page)
- Creating a Family Online Support Group
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
- Weekly podcasts
- Weekly articles/blog posts
- Resource pages on all aspects of family building
Previous Episode
Raising a Biracial Child
May 28, 2025
•53m
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Are you raising a mixed-race child? Join our conversation with Nicole Doyley, a biracial woman raising biracial kids, and the author of What About the Children: 5 Values for Multiracial Families.
- Terminology: what is preferred-biracial, mixed race, multi-racial, mixed?
- Biracial includes Black/White, Black/Asian, White/Asian, Hispanic/Black, Indigenous/Black/Hispanic. In this interview, we are talking about mixed-race, but families can also be mixed culturally.
- Is it true that mixed-race is the fastest-growing group in the US?
- Issues facing biracial people in the US. Based on personal experience as well as a 2020 Vox Survey of Mixed Americans.
- No man’s land of racelessness
- Having to always answer the question “What are you?”
- Not fully accepted by either race
- Wanting to ditch one race so as to be fully the other race
- Feeling isolated
- Confused identity
- Rejecting the idea of having to fit into just one box
- As a child, you didn’t like the ambiguity that biracial brought to your life. You say you felt a “two-ness”. But you came to view being of mixed race as a blessing rather than a curse. Why, as a child did it feel uncomfortable to you and how did you grow to accept it?
- Do you think a mixed-race adopted or foster child being raised by parents of a different race from them but the same shared race with each other will face different challenges?
- In the past, it was common to tell adoptive/foster/grandparents that the world was going to treat their child as Black (or another race), so you should focus your efforts on raising a Black child and not emphasize their other race. People in the US see race first. How should parents handle it?
- Does it matter if the child’s dominant features make her look like she fits more squarely in one race?
- 5 values for raising a biracial child:
- Awareness
- Humility
- Diversity
- Honesty
- Exploration
- Benefits/advantages to being mixed-race:
- Can function in both majority and minority environments
- Tips for Raising a Mixed-Race Child
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
- Weekly podcasts
- Weekly articles/blog posts
- Resource pages on all aspects of family building
Next Episode
The Adoption Home Study: Should You Be Nervous?
June 4, 2025
•54m
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Many prospective adoptive families feel anxious about the home study. Our guest, Sheila Kowit, is an adoption social worker with Adoptions From the Heart. She prepares home studies for both domestic infant and international adoptions. She explains what the process is like, what you can expect, and what you will learn in the home study process.
In this episode, we discuss:
- What is an adoption home study?
- Is it possible to get one home study that can be used with all types of adoptions: domestic infant, foster care, and international adoption?
- What is the purpose of the adoption home study?
- At what point in the adoption process is the home study usually done in domestic infant adoption?
- In international adoption?
- How long does it take to complete an adoption home study in domestic infant adoption?
- In international adoption
- How much does an adoption home study cost for domestic infant adoption?
- For international adoption
- What information can the prospective adoptive parents expect to compile for a domestic infant adoption home study? How does this differ for international adoption?
- Medical history
- Statements of income and assets
- Autobiographical statements
- References
- What, if any, are the physical health concerns:
- For international adoption, consult our Adoption Comparison Charts
- Do you have to have a current physical?
- What to do about getting a medical physical if you don’t have a regular primary doctor. Can you go to Urgent Care clinics or Minute Clinics for an adoption physical?
- Can you do domestic infant adoption if you or your partner/spouse has a mental health diagnosis? What about international adoption?
- For international adoption, consult our Adoption Comparison Charts
- Criminal background concerns for domestic infant adoption? For international adoption?
- DUIs, misdemeanors, expunged records?
- It is important to be honest and share it all with your social worker.
- What gets included in the financial portion of the home study for domestic infant adoption? For international adoption?
- Income, liabilities, and assets assessment
- Documentation necessary
- Check country listings at our Adoption Comparison Charts or USCIS Intercountry Adoption Information
- Writing your personal history for a domestic infant? And for international?
See more on CreatingaFamily.org.
Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
- Weekly podcasts
- Weekly articles/blog posts
- Resource pages on all aspects of family building
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