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Creating a Family: Talk about Adoption, Foster & Kinship Care - Adopting as a Single Parent
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Adopting as a Single Parent

Creating a Family: Talk about Adoption, Foster & Kinship Care

02/26/21

56m

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What issues should you consider if you want to adopt as a single person? We talk with Susan Fremer, a licensed mental health intern and a single mom of five adopted girls; and Lee Varon, a LICSW specializing in adoptive parenting, a single mom to two sons through adoption, and author of two books on single parent adoption.
In this episode, we cover:

  1. Single parenting is common. Are there distinctions between becoming a single parent through divorce, conception, and adoption?
  2. How easy is it to adopt as a single woman or single man?
  3. Are there any additional requirements for single parents to be able to adopt? Any additional questions in the home study?
  4. Legal issues. Importance of a will and naming a guardian.
  5. What are some potential issues single parents should consider before they decide to adopt?
  6. Is there another single parent or family that you could partner with to provide mutual child care support either full time or babysitting type arrangement?
  7. Emotional support.
  8. Consider moving closer to family.
  9. Changes to your friend network after you become a parent.
  10. Finances.
  11. Costs for raising a child.
  12. Look at your debt.
  13. Will your housing have to change?
  14. Child care.
  15. May influence the age of child you decide to adopt.
  16. Finding the opposite gender role model for your child.
  17. Self-care.
  18. Dating.
  19. Are you ready to be a single parent?
  20. Are you ready to give up the fun parts of being child-free, like the freedom to do what you want when you want? The freedom to tackle a new time consuming work project, educational degree, hobby, travel, etc.
  21. Are you ready to feel the inevitable time crunch of single parenting?
  22. Are you ready financially?
  23. Annoying comments you may hear.
  24. You haven’t given enough time to finding a partner.
  25. Consider joining a single parent by choice support group. Online or in-person (check Meetup)
  26. Resources:
    1. Single Adoptive Parents: Our Stories (Book by Lee Varon and Sherry Fine)
    2. Adopting On Your Own: The Complete Guide to Adoption for Single Parents (Book by Lee Varon)
    3. Single Mothers By Choice (organization and website)
    4. Motherhood Reimagined (organization and website)
    5. ChoiceMom.org E-guide: Finding Support (eGuide)

This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
· Weekly podcasts
· Weekly articles/blog posts
· Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

Previous Episode

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Grandparents raising grandkids or aunts and uncles raising nephews and nieces is often complicated and comes with a mix of challenges and blessings. What are the unique issues that kinship caregivers face and what do they need to succeed. We talk about these issues with LaNette Jacobs, an aunt raising her two nephews; Marla Galvan, a licensed clinical social worker and Foster Care Strategic Consultant for Child Welfare Information Gateway; Dr. Ali Caliendo, the Executive Director of Foster Kinship, a nonprofit support of kinship families in Nevada; and Jaia Lent, the Deputy Executive Director at Generations United where she provides direction for the National Center on Grandfamilies.
In this episode, we covered:

  • Kinship care, also often called grandparent care or grandparent-led families, is used to care for children whose parents are unable. And while we will often use the term grandparent, we fully recognize that it is often aunts, uncles, cousins, and sometimes other siblings that are stepping up to care for these children. Kinship care can be permanent or temporary, financially subsidized or not, formal or informal. Kinship care at its best helps to maintain family connections and cultural traditions that can minimize the trauma of family separation.
  • Grandparents raising grandkids or aunts and uncles raising nephews and nieces is often complicated and comes with a mix of challenges and blessings.
  • There is often a blurred line between being a family member and assuming responsibility for a relative's children. Is your role the grandparent or the parent and if parent, to whom is your first allegiance—to your child or your grandchild.
  • It’s also a blessing. It’s a do over, a chance to be fully involved in a child’s life again and make a difference in the next generation.
  • Why is raising your grandkids different from raising your own kids the first time around?
  • Understanding emotions.
    • Guilt, shame, anger, distrust, loss, loneliness, grief. And these feelings are often felt by both the parent and the kinship caregiver.
    • Managing boundaries.
  • Communication
  • Being honest about your needs and the kids needs
  • Putting the children’s needs first.
  • How to help with reunification?
  • Try to show empathy towards the challenges that the parents are struggling with.
  • Don’t put down birth parents, especially in front of the kids.
  • Assure children that their parents love them.
  • Tell parents that you know that they love their child.
  • Don’t put the children in the middle.
  • Make visits a conflict free zone—if possible.
  • Have adult conversations on working out disagreements away from the kids.
  • Support change in the parents.
  • Support groups.
  • Not financially prepared for the addition of kids.
  • Parenting kids who’ve experienced trauma.
  • Legal resources to be in the best position to advocate for the child.

This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
· Weekly podcasts
· Weekly articles/blog posts
· Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

Next Episode

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Have you or someone you care about experienced a miscarriage or stillbirth? We talk about coping with pregnancy loss with Dr. Poonum Sharma, a Licensed Psychologist specializing in reproductive issues. She is a long term member of the Mental Health Provider Professional Group at the American Society of Reproductive Medicine.
In this episode, we cover:

Miscarriage and Stillbirth Statistics

  • Distinction between a miscarriage and stillbirth. A stillbirth is the death of a baby before or during delivery. Both miscarriage and stillbirth describe pregnancy loss, but they differ according to when the loss occurs. In the United States, a miscarriage is usually defined as loss of a baby before the 20th week of pregnancy, and a stillbirth is loss of a baby at 20 weeks of pregnancy and later.
  • About 1 pregnancy in 100 (1%) end in stillbirth, and each year about 24,000 babies are stillborn in the United States.
  • For women who know they’re pregnant, about 10 to 15 in 100 pregnancies (10 to 15 percent) end in miscarriage. As many as half of all pregnancies may end in miscarriage. We don’t know the exact number because a miscarriage may happen before a woman knows she’s pregnant.
  • Most miscarriages happen in the first trimester before the 12th week of pregnancy. Miscarriage in the second trimester (between 13 and 19 weeks) happens in 1 to 5 in 100 (1 to 5 percent) pregnancies.
  • The primary cause of first trimester miscarriage is chromosomal abnormalities.

The Grief Process

  • Factors that may impact grief:
    • How long a woman or couple has been trying to get pregnant.
    • Timing in the pregnancy of the loss.
    • The number of miscarriages or pregnancy losses she has experienced.
    • The cause of the miscarriage or lack of an explanation?
    • Patient’s age.
    • If she has existing children. Secondary infertility.
    • The ability to talk about the loss to family and friends.
    • Temperament of the patient and her partner.
  • Pregnancy loss before others know about the pregnancy.

Helping Patients Cope

  • How can those around the woman or couple support them during this time?
  • How to share the news.
  • How can nurses help patients cope?
  • What are the symptoms of compassion fatigue that infertility nurses should be aware of.
  • How can nurses prevent or cope with compassion fatigue.

This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:
· Weekly podcasts
· Weekly articles/blog posts
· Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Support the show (https://creatingafamily.org/donation/)

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

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